It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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