my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
