we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
