Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
