I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
