Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
