So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
