very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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