Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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