Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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