Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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