As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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