Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she peed on how many people?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
