and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
