hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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