OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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