tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
