I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
