In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
