I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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