You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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