Can i not drive my cunt home
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
