Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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