if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
