2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
vagina is talking i cant
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
