True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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