how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
