The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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