know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
