At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
