All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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