I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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