i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
