He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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