Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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