He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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