chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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