Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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