WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
