i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize