Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
