A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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