nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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