It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
