My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
