friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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