Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
