don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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