so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sobbing to NWA
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
