god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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