We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
