i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
