ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
