Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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