I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize