Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
