she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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