i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
