Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize