I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
