he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
