I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
