he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize