Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
