I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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