and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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