If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
