If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
