seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
